Annotations for Creative Process: Memoir

You know, It was good enough to think, maybe it's about time I sat down and wrote about that.

[Laughs]

But now it's been done. It can't be done.

Oh, everybody can do it.

What made you finally do it?

What made me finally do it. Well, I didn't set out to do it. I didn't do- I didn't have the idea that I would do a book. But I had the idea I wanted to do the first piece. Because my parents' decline and dying had gone on for so long, for five years. And I, all the time, because it was my habit to do so, I made notes. And I put the notes away. I put them in a drawer and forgot about them after. And then about two and a half years later, I came across them. And I started looking at them. And I thought, oh, you know, maybe it was an impulsive thrift - "don't throw anything away".

[laughing] Thrift? Thirft thrift

Thrift thrift, yeah - well, I've got this stuff. I've got to do something with it. But I still had, I think at that time, even two and a half years, three years later, I still had, I still was full of the feeling I had while they were still alive. I mean, now it's eight years, nine years since they died. And that's abated somewhat. But I did have this strong, strong feeling that was with me all the time, every day. And then I had these notes. And I decided I would try and give them some form and order.

Notes about your parents or about the rest of the family?

About my parents -- No, no. Nothing about the rest of my family. Just about what happened during the last five years of my parents' lives, yeah.

So I made some- I wanted to make order out of them. Out of total chaos.

Do you think you wrote it differently now than you would have if you had written it when they were alive, or -?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. And I don't think I could write, at least the first story, I couldn't write again anymore. Because that emotion has abated. I mean, grief has lessened. Anger has lessened. So I couldn't do it again that way, anyway.

And the story about the story of the family, had you made notes on that?

Well, the stories about the family I had never, never written anything about. And never thought of writing anything about.

[to server?] Yeah. I'm too young! [laughs]

Close the bar.

Don't have my card.

I never thought of it, really, of doing any more.

It was Ben who said, you know, "you've got more stories. You've got another story." And I did another story. And Dick Poirier, who was editing Raritan at the time, was very interested in them. He published the first one. He published two more-- I think he published three in all.

First three in the book, actually?

I think it was the first three in the book, yeah. And by the time I'd done three, I, you know, I knew I could do a book.

But he was terrific. I mean, he really liked the book, and he really stood up for it, and he really tried to push it and promote it.

But, but, but the book grew. I mean, you didn't sit down and say "I'm going to write a lot of stories, and it'll all fit together, and it'll deal with my entire family, and this is gonna be a good one" -

No, it went story by story. They just came, once I started, you know, I thought I don't remember anything.But once you start typing, then it all, then it comes back.

Well, did you have to gather lots of, I mean, you do say you're quoting from that one.

I had very little material. I had a couple of letters. I had my mother's letter to her typing teacher, and I had my cousin Meyer's autobiography.

Did that really exist?

That really exists.

I wondered whether you made that up, or -

No. it exists, it's a 90-page piece of work.

Not published -- turned down by Rob Gottlieb

Oh [laughs] probably.

It was 90, 100 pages, and I had read it at the time he did it, which is probably about 15, 20 years ago, and I put it away, too. I just had it in my, and then I came on it again, and I thought, my God, I can boil this down and boil it down and really have a something, and it's all, I mean, it's his, I added a few things here and a few things there to round it out, but it's all his.

What do you think, in the end, the book is saying about your family?

I don't know. I hope it's saying that they were, I mean, everybody is mythological in it to me. I mean, they were my gods when I was growing up, and I hope it's saying they were brave, they were quarrelsome, they were spectacular people, part of a spectacular generation. I hope it's saying I loved them, because I did. I loved them very much.

Yeah, they're all gone. Maybe I could write it, now.

Yeah, that's--

that's too much malevolence going on in my family [laughs]

Well, it's good material. Malevolence is, it's fun to work with.

Good stories. But, but you didn't have lots of letters and journals and things like that to help you along?

No.

Other people with memories, that would stimulate your memories?

No. In fact, I didn't want to ask my cousins. Because I knew that their memories would interfere with mine. And I wanted- and, uh, and they would differ from mine. Uh, and they would have a different take on what happened. And, um, I didn't want that. So I- I, so I just... I relied on mine.

What's the difference? I mean, in a sense, I have to say, all childhoods are different. I mean, it depends who's telling the story. Like, I was just reading the, this Margaret Travels book. I was going to write a piece about her. And the idea that she and her sister would have such divergent views of what the-

They don't speak, you know.

Yes, right. What the parents' life was like. Yeah. And I think that my brother, who's dead now, as well, my older brother - he and I were like, it was two separate childhoods. Our views towards our parents were totally different.

How much older was he?

Two years. It didn't matter. We'd sit there and we'd talk about, like, who's got different boyhoods, it was amazing.

Yeah.

Of course, you didn't have that by not having a sibling. So it wouldn't-

Yeah. No, I didn't have that.

But at least you have different points of view, I suppose, from other relatives and so on. I mean, in your mind anyway, you see that people might see them differently, or...?

Well, I have, I have, I have, I have alive, um, all my cousinsare alive. Um, and they, and one of my cousins, uh, was relieved, was, was, was, uh, my cousin Raheel's daughter was relieved because her mother was really a horror. But nobody in the family ever acknowledged how much she suffered because her mother was a horror. And she was relieved that she was relieved that-

Her mother, or your mother?

Her mother. Yeah. So she has something that, so when her children say to her, "was it really like that? Was your mother really like that?" She can say, "yes, this is what it was like."

That's the advantage of doing a memoir, you see.

Yes. Nobody- you don't have to transcribe anything, no research.

Make it up.

Make it up. [Laughs] No!

Well, you've got something to draw on.

Oh yeah.

How wonderful.

I always thought about cannibalizing his books [laughing].

Of course! I cannibalized my Uncle Meyer's autobiography.

Mmhm.